I am a young woman from the USA. I live in a large city dominated by The Combine (1962 OFOTCN ver). This is an uncensored account of my experience. I don't feel like I belong on social media, forums, or any other social website. So I created my own place in this constellation of public privacy.
Hobbies
Main hobbies include:
Drawing, painting, digital art & alterations, audio editing, amatuer website design, reading, studying, singing, and amatuer writing.
Other interests include:
Cataloging propaganda, exchanging ideas, drying and/or pressing plants, cooking, studying nutrition, exercising (ballet-esq workout), (very bad) photography, organizing things, fixing myself, and tracking my life. I spuratically pick up other interests during my adolescent molting.
Greivances
I avoid social media, TV, 3D animation, (boring) propaganda, the news, and spineless social trends. I used to be very angry when forced to interact. However, I came to coexist with them in time.
Preferences
Both coffee and tea. Clear skies and rain. Cold and hot weather. Both early bird and night owl. Often traditonal over modern.
I enjoy watching 2D animation, documentaries (history, politics, ballet), foreign films, and ballet dances. Current favorite movies for visuals are Valley of the Dolls, The Last Unicorn (1982), and The Wild Swans (1962). Favorite movie for music are The Prince of Egypt, first half of The Sound of Music, and (preferably uncensored) Fantasia (1940).
I usually read non-fiction books, especially on history, psycology, and nutrition. Favorite NF book is probably Carl Jung's Red Book and favorite F book is either One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest or The Sailor Who Fell From Grace With The Sea.
I choose my music based on what makes my brain buzz smoothly, and I often make my own versions of songs for private listening.
I don't usually play video games but I'm still upkeeping my Animal Crossing: New Leaf town.
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Things I think of. Click on each to show or unshow.
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Things I think of. Click on each to show or unshow.
Filler !!!
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Things I think of. Click on each to show or unshow.
I remember an affection I had for this Russian guy I once knew. When I was 15, I "worked" at an art studio. This place was interesting in-and-of itself - my instructor was a Satanist and Native American, and always wore a cowboy hat even in winter. I only got in because I charmed my interviewer with a charcoal illustration of a possum.
I noticed him quickly because he and I were the only white kids in the room. What great ambassadors we were, surely such prime representatives. I think he was autistic, but in a remarkable and admirable way. He rarely ever spoke english despite rumors of him being born in the US. Instead, he was fluent in Russian and most of the few words he did speak were in Russian. Everyday, regardless of the weather, he wore a proper coat and old-fashioned hat. I never saw him take it off once. Most of the time he sat quietly alone. Other times he would wander around the room, slowly and silently nodding at people's various works. He'd come up behind me and just watch me draw. I was enamored and yet too shy to talk to him. All of his artwork looked like soviet propaganda with thick, blocked Russian letters.
He was especially of note because I was in the midst of my conversion therapy at the time. I was torn between my distant affection for him and my subtle obsession with another girl. Thankfully, she was so socially awkward and hard to talk to that I gave up. And he was so intimidating and silent that I never tried. Imagine if I had pursued either relation? That being said, I sorely regret never talking to him. I wanted to know more about him. Everything I knew was from rumor. He was so admirably strange.
It wasn't his looks that caught my interest, frankly he wasn't very handsome. But he had this bizarre air of both intimidation and instinctive respect for the audacity of his existence. In other words, he was simply cool. Unique. I'll never see someone like that again, such people exist in the thin sliver of adolescence that allows for both unrelenting confidence and the ignorance to freely push reality's boundaries. Usually it manifests in embarrassing phases that everyone is sure they will always embody as teenagers, but quickly abandon 6 months later. In his case, it manifested in psuedo-russophilia. Or perhaps he was "born in the wrong country." Or maybe he was Russian after all. I'll never know for sure.
One strange theme of my life has been that slavs and slavic culture has haunted me. From part of my upbringing being owed to a Polish woman, to the various slavic friends I've had, to urges to study Russian/Polish. Sometimes it seems I was forced to have this interest rather than choosing it out of shame for my own culture or for admiration of another.
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I like to learn. The internet could be controlled, censored, housed by demons. But boy, is there still a lot of useful information here.
A lot of content included are not facts but rather things that bother me in a pleasant way.
Titles may or may not accurately reflect content.
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Manifestations of data processed by my subconscious. I try to remember the ones I can.
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Manifestations of data processed by my subconscious. I try to remember the ones I can.
I had a dream I was in school reading a book on Russian history in the cafeteria. My friends got up and left because our lunch period (seniors) was over but I stayed bc I was trying to skip class. A bunch of freshman boys sat at my table and were oddly nice to me, and we talked. I heard somewhere "man I hate jews" and everyone laughed, and I was filled with hope for the new generation.
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Manifestations of data processed by my subconscious. I try to remember the ones I can.
The dream i had was from the point of view of a young Russian guy though the dream was mostly in English with some Russian words and gibberish thrown in.
I remember only one part well but I also remember that the context was that a great sheet of ice was over all water and it was very cold. The russian guy was stranded in the ocean on a plank, he could walk but feares the ice giving way so he stayed put for a long time. the guy was mysterious, I think he was part alien but looked fully human.
A military ship came by, slicing or skating? through the ice. They brought out lunch and uniforms for the soldiers. One guy was missing. All the soldiers briefly left the room, and the guy quickly scrambled on and put the uniform on. He also ate the food, which were 4,5 HUGE pieces of shrimp, more like giant isopods, with black goo in them. The guy didnt eat them properly (by first cleaning them) because he was starving.
The soldiers and generals came back and did a roll call. Nobody noticed that the guy had no idea who he was. They began to ask him questions but he started throwing up from the bad shrimp and the generals were pissed. So he got away from answering those questions
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Manifestations of data processed by my subconscious. I try to remember the ones I can.
I dreamt that I had 2 sisters and we went to visit our great grandma, great aunt, and aunt. We were dressed in quite old fashioned clothing, it looked to be the 19th century. My sisters were dressed very classily, I was dressed ok but not as good.
We met our great aunt and aunt at the door. My great aunt smiled as my mom introduced us and commented on my sisters' impressive wardrobes. She called mine a "decent attempt." But she took favor to me and we got along well.
I walked along the house and met my cousins. There were 3 bedrooms for the cousins. Two were normal, one was unnerving. I was hoping I didn't get the weird one bc a girl had comitted suicide in there. My male cousins got it instead.
I met one and asked if he had a stick of white incense and a candle. I found a basket full of candles, sage, incense, metal tins, candy, etc in the room. I took a stick and a lighter and went to ask my great grandma and great aunt if I could clean the room in the name of God.
They agreed although were a bit surprised. They told me not to offend the woman's spirit, she was family, after all - dead or alive.
I wandered through the house singing prayer songs with the lit incense in the dark. Everyone watched me. I remember I sang Psalm 23 and another prayer.
I also asked for her spirit to be at ease and find company in her family. Though she was restless, that God may grant her peace, etc etc.
Afterwards, I sat on a couch and my aunt sat beside me. She asked me, in a strangely tender and heartfelt way, when I became some Godly woman. I told her something about duty. Then I woke up
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Manifestations of data processed by my subconscious. I try to remember the ones I can.
It mustve been sometime during ww2. I was in a high school as a time traveler going back to capture some important event or something. i had to go through the school days knowing nothing about 40s etiquette. My dress was slightly too big and kept getting untied, my hair looked weird compared to everyone elses, I was charismatic but very odd to everyone so i got unwanted attention and laughter. I looked very silly.
Then came the night of the choir/musical performance. I was trying to stop some enemy infiltration but kept getting lost in the theatre. Luckily some boy with dark hair in the band performance caught on. We spoke through the door to each other when I was in the theatre and stuck in a crowd of people. He went around the school for me in a panic, wearing rollar skates that kept his footsteps quiet. He found the enemy, listened to thsir conversation, and got out of there through cool dream stealth scenes - ducking under tables, sliding behind walls, etc. He came back to the theatre just in time for the final show.
It was a singing and dancing show 40s style. the women had great voices but i had to signal them to change the song they were singing for some war time code. This woman in a very official dress who looked like a princess said I did well. Everything ended up being okay.
i got up and started grooving with this other lady and soon everyone was up dancing in the front. I found the guy from earlier. He kept asking girls to dance but they rejected him. He asked me and I accepted. He said something like "I didnt think youd say yes, you're the strange one" and i nearly told him about the time traveling. i didnt know how to dance so he led me through the steps. Then I woke up.
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Manifestations of data processed by my subconscious. I try to remember the ones I can.
i had a dream i died. i was in the car with a man atruggling to drive, my sister, and a girl i was holding hands with. We were driving at night in the rain, to some kind of party. The man was either drunk or tired and kept swerving, and we were nearly hit several times. We were begging him to pull over and wait for help, the party didn't matter. So he finally pulled over. But it didn't matter, because we were hit from behind by a car anyway. We spiraled off into a tree abruptly.
I came to in an endless suburb. I think it was supposed to be limbo. I was with my mom, sister, grandma, and the girl. And we were trying to find our assigned house, in the endless houses.
I walked through this house. I saw many very sad sad people, crying. Some were almost faded to nothing. Some were like plastic bags, crumpled into balls. I went around smoothing such people out, and they floated away into nothingness.
There was a ticket seller outside with an impossibly long que. Ny mom and sister and dad who appeared took a one way ticket somewhere, called a name I forgot. They said they wouldnt wait around because God didn't exist. I almost went with them, I even walked past the bus station. The line for the bus was MASSIVE so they decided to walk down a subway set of stairs. I became frightened and cried as we descended, so i went back with the girl.
I told my grandma I wouldn't go to heaven, because God knows what I did. but she assured me I'd be okay, Christ would see that I tried very hard to repent. There was a "service at 9" to read the Lord's prayer. I left with my grandma and the girl to go, in the end. We sat on these massive, endless rows of church pews.
At 9, a very very old man - perhaps the first pope - came and read the Lord's Prayer. Jesus himself came down and I heard his voice - it was light and kind of buttery.
And before we could ascend, I woke up this morning to rain and thunder.
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Manifestations of data processed by my subconscious. I try to remember the ones I can.
I dreamt that I lived in a very poor white city. I was trying to buy some shoes at a convenience store and was struggling to pay for them. The woman at the counter made funny conversation with me to ease my stress, she said everybody was struggling too.
I walked away feeling tired and at peace with the world, like there were still good people left.
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Manifestations of data processed by my subconscious. I try to remember the ones I can.
I dreamt I was walking through a forest when i heard a man speaking to himself. I replied and we started talking to ome another until I found him. Something told me his name was Eric and I told him that and he was stunned, because it was true.
We went along together and found a skull, and we talked about things we scavenged from the woods. He showed me stuff he had found along the way suspended artistically from trees.
I took him to my house to meet my brother for some reason and he complimented my schizo wall art. he asked if I was single. The dream ended with me telling him I was not in fact single but completely dedicated to a "texan blonde" and asking him if he though isreal was a legitinate state.
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Manifestations of data processed by my subconscious. I try to remember the ones I can.
I had to kill a japanese girl named Satori.
I was locked into a building with a bunch of people. Satori was dressed in her usual killing clothes, a magenta dress and candle. The crowd pushed her towards me and she looked up with pleading eyes. We were shoved towards a wall, both crushed. it was her or both of us. I had to do it.
I went home covered in blood. The police were closing in on us before that though. Right before I entered the building, I heard them approach and shut the door as they asked me questions.
found a bed in the middle of nowhere, by train tracks. My bf was asleep in it. I woke him up, he moved to the side, and I climbed in, still covered in her blood.
Right before I fullt woke up, I had sleep paralysis where I heard her say my name and kept trying to wake up.
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Manifestations of data processed by my subconscious. I try to remember the ones I can.
Another domestic dream. I had a husband and a new baby. I was extremely stressed out and had been crying. I don't know what was wrong specifically but we did't have much money at all and lived in a rather tiny house.
But I saw my husband and child playing in the house, and I felt comforted. He was trying to get the baby to throw a ball to him I think. And I joined them. He asked if I'd make dinner and I said, "of course, obviously" and cheered up..
We went outside to a little backyard to keep entertaining the baby. Just sort of pretending to run around and whatnot. Honestly he was less of a baby and more of a toddler. I was walking back to the house when I met my husbands eyes. He was kind of thin so I told him something like "you really need to eat more" and he waived me off
Well I turned my back for a moment to make dinner and the baby was walking into our neighbors house. I started to panic but my husband insisted that was normal and now we'd eat dinner with them instead. Bbut for some reason we video called them instead of going inside?? while our baby/toddler was inside with them for dinner.
Stuff got kind of weird from now on. The next day we were driving to this very fancy house. I was explaining to my husband that these guys were kinda weird blues playing black dudes and last time I saw them, I walked into the unlocked bathroom to find them talking, one fully naked in the bath and the other with no pants at all on the toliet. And they had allegedly been talking like that for hours. My husband thought that was hilarious but I was more anxious than anything.
We walk in, the two guys greet us, they're doing a showing in their personal theatre of a new movie. Everyones excited so we all go walk over and sit in the seats.
The movie was kind of horrific. Beautifully animated but brutal. It was some bizarre social commentary on the dating scene. "Imported women" were outright asked by random men to be their wives and if not, were taken forcibly.
There was a scene in the movie of a womens only bath house. Super gorgeous animation, reminds me of the centaur scene from Disney's Fantasia. Everything was calm, a bunch of pregnant women were talking. Then the doors busted down and the men came in and started arresting women? It was bizarre.
My husband and I left, and I was crying again. End of dream
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Manifestations of data processed by my subconscious. I try to remember the ones I can.
My friend and I were getting dressed up to go to the theatre, a very high class one apparently. We were dressed in those 1920s esq flapper outfits but with big hats and long opium pipe esq cigarettes, the black ones. She didn't have dyed hair; it was just her normal black and straightened pin-straight. My outfit was white while her's was black.
We were in that movie star style dress room with the huge mirrors and ball lights. I think some other girl was with us but she was forgotten as the dream carried on. I only remember being angry with her since she kept getting in my way.
We left and met Steve in a rather classy old style suit by a vintage car. We got in and started talking about the theatre. The dialogue was similar to;
Me: "so where is this theatre?"
Steve: "Its an outdoor one"
Monsse: "You'll have to leave the steering wheel. they don't allow them"
Steve: "what?"
Monsse: "you can't have the pedals either. Just the metal box. And take your hats off"
We never actually made it to the theatre
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Manifestations of data processed by my subconscious. I try to remember the ones I can.
I was walking at 11pm to 7/11. it was the exact same scene as when i went on my paranoia walk a few months, and it was winter.
I walked in and the fluroscent lights were awfully bright. I was perusing magazines and post cards. A calendar read like 1998 or some year like that.
While I was looking this black dude in a bomber jacket showed up and started questioning me like "what are you buying" "what are you doing" "you like magazines?" just really dumb questions. I kept telling him to fuck off but he followed me around the store
I ended up buying cigarettes or something flanmable, and he followed me out of the store, STILL questioning me. Despite being followed by a man at night, I was very unpreturbed. I wasn't afraid at all. Just deeply annoyed. I kept checking if he was there and he was, always.
He came all the way to my home and followed me inside. I lived in a really shitty apartment. I kept telling him my boyfriend was home and to fuck off, but he wouldn't listen. I don't remember after this point except he kept asking me questions ans touching my stuff. I was irritated when I woke up
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Manifestations of data processed by my subconscious. I try to remember the ones I can.
My bf and I were on high sand dunes miles from the shore. We were just talking when all of a sudden there was a rumble and shaking of the Earth. We looked towards the ocean in the distance and saw a massive tsunami rising from the water. It reached so high and finally crashed down, rolling across the land in a great fury. Cities and towns were swept up. The water stopped just a few feet before us.. and receded back
When we thought the nightmare was over, another rose from the ocean. This one blocked out the sun.
And it crashed down as it had before over the land, and this time it swept us up. I was crying as I got caught up in the waves. But we were mostly unharmed
We looked on a tv later only to find massive tsunamis wiped out every coast in the world. It was like the sea was reaching her giant hands into the land to take it back to the sea. Every major coastal city was destroyed. Millions were dead. Much of the coast was returned to the ocean.
Tsunami appearing in my dreams makes for some terrible nightmares. The last tsunami dream I had, I was looking for my sister among the bodies on the beach post-tsunami, and found her bloated and decayed like a drowning victim
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Manifestations of data processed by my subconscious. I try to remember the ones I can.
I was in university but it was an odd one with large winding staircases. I was looking for a certain teacher. I had to walk up this massive flight of stairs but there was a sea of people coming down. It was me vs them. And I kept pushing through.
Some random guy fell and hurt himself. I was watching and offered to help, he and his friends seemed really nervous. I think the guy broke his leg or arm actually, or maybe it was already broken. I offered to report this to his teacher and went on my way
I got into an argument with said teacher bc he thought the kid was faking to avoid class. But I was sure if this guy consistently had a broken limb it was probably domestic abuse, and I think I was right
All of that fizzled out and I was talking to my bf on the phone. He was at some strange "conference" in the basement of a house. Everybody there was asian. They were talking about some portal world or alternative dimension, and a war. Hunter had to hang out after getting pushed into the crowd to talk.
I went back to my perspective and I was putting out flyers everywhere and telling students about the war. A lot of people agreed to fight. The only requirement was to be naked for some reason?
I entered the portal world through a lecture hall and faced off with the enemy. He/she ?(??) laughed at me for being stupid. The entity was a strange dark figure. Behind him there lay a small army of naked blob people.
We heard a rumbling. Behind me came all my fellow students and others. Some were naked, others not, it ended up not actually mattering. Most of the naked people were the asians from the conference. The battle commenced and both sides rushed at each other, yelling war cries. When they collided, the dream cut.
We were all safe and sound in a classroom. People were sprawled everywhere. This red headed girl next to me was wearing a sweater and jeans that were covered in blood (everyone else that was naked was in clean clothes) and I asked her why she wore clothes. She said "I thought you meant spiritually naked" or something weird like that. Then I woke up
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Manifestations of data processed by my subconscious. I try to remember the ones I can.
I dreamt I was murdered by my husband (actually possibly ex husband) very violently and cut up and cooked into meatloaf. It almost sounds comical but it was really awful.
There was another piece of it despite the hacking and butchering.. my sister was in a shed in the backyard. The room was this eerie green hue with a large radio playing static. it unnerves me greatly to think about it but I don't know why. She had no idea I was being murdered.
I was buried under the rose bushes and he talked my family out of filing a missing persons report, so no one looked for me. And the roses grew.
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Manifestations of data processed by my subconscious. I try to remember the ones I can.
It was the four of us, two random girls, another guy who didn't speak, and this british guy we were showing the US to. We were traveling in New Orleans, but it looked more like a dodgy Venice with big canals and historic old buildings. It had the air of New Orleans post party, the hazy morning after a party. The group (8 in total, 3 women and 5 men) was walking through the city. I think we had stolen something or broken some law, because we were avoiding the police.
At some point we slipped inside of a grand hotel and I got separated while we were running. I ran into a room that was only a wire frame bed and dresser, with a little girl dutifully playing violin inside. I dashed under the bed, ignoring the girl, and curled up. This rather unnerving authority figure burst in the room saying, "I know you're hiding, I can smell your guilt" or something. I could only see her (?) boots and long muted purple dress.
She grabbed my legs and pulled me out, ready to reprimand me or take me away. But pulled back upon seeing I was a girl. For some reason, women in this dream world were considered like holy cows. You couldn't hurt them, only men were reprimendable. So she let me go.
I found the group but the british guy and sheep were gone. I was incredibly upset. I don't remember how we got out of the hotel but we did end up finding them by the ocean, walking along cement blocks on the shore.
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Manifestations of data processed by my subconscious. I try to remember the ones I can.
I had a dream that there was a mass rape-pillage-murder going on in my village (?) and my husband (I assume him to be) and I were running to this building that was ours. Everything was in this weird cartoon style and everyone looked like Simpsons characters except not yellow. He locked me in a closet so I would be protected while he went to fight. I could hear all sorts of screaming and fire. At some point I had to protect our store and I was just gunning people down with this gun from up top of a indoor balcony they couldnt reach. My aim was awful, but I killed a lot of them anyway. The gun looked like a custom one Ive never seen before.
The next scene cut to a ship coming down from the sky at night. These people (?) came boasting about having "better versions" of the people in our world. They showed giant test tubes with perfect versions of people (still in cartoon style), the people inside were listless and limply floating in yellow fluid. The ship people came to collect any perfect people on our world and so they did, very violently. This part was fuzzy, but they soon left us in the post violence quiet.
Stuff got kind of weird. Somehow I was invited to this cabin along with a group of survivors by this SUPER OCD german guy. He told us to NOT TOUCH ANYTHING and to WASH YOUR HANDS IN MY COUNTRY THATS NOT AN OPTION. But somehow we knew we were safe here. We rested on a couch and looked around at the wooden walls lined with stamps and the print making machine. The cartoon style shifted quite a bit and it was more 1950s traditional cartoonism. Judging by the clothes, it mightve been around a WW2 era.
Anyway, I went to a back room to find my husbands friend and his brother watching a VERY old TV screen. The friend had just lost his wife I think. I asked him over and over "are you lonely?" or something similar. I gave him a long hug and asked about something, I don't remember the dialogue but it was about my husband. The scene cut abruptly.
It was night now and my husband and I were trailing a hot air balloon in our boat on the river. We knew it belonged to the ring master of the ship from earlier. We were listening in to their conversations. They were talking intensely about the stars performance being subpar. We watched two animals in a floating lantern laugh and drunkily say that the world is losing its art, its way. They asked us something strange but I can't remember it now.
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Manifestations of data processed by my subconscious. I try to remember the ones I can.
I was enthusiastically posting to the Woman Forum about this new fucked up diet show I had found (they eat that up there). The show revolved around making fat people swim in these industrial sized tanks of cold water or something? I cant really remember but there was a male and female announcer and everyone was going wild asking me to POST THE LINK POST THE LINK POST THE LINK. Then I woke up before I posted it
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Manifestations of data processed by my subconscious. I try to remember the ones I can.
I can't recall what happened before this point, but somehow a possum scampered into my house. And when I fed it shredded carrot, it loved me. It curled around in my arms and around my shoulders. It was like a normal possum but longer, like the torso length of a ferret. An a-lmost-possum, if you will.
I followed it all around the house until it crawled under a table. Undeath I saw a guy who looked like wolfy (furry I know) but much younger. Dyed black hair with bangs and general "off duty furry" appearance with a pink hoodie and collar. We had a pleasant conversation if unnerving, and he told me he was in the process of being thrown out. I just chuckled nervously and left to find the possum, but it was gone. I woke up in a haze, not suddenly but sort of fizzling out of sleep. I missed 6 alarms.
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Manifestations of data processed by my subconscious. I try to remember the ones I can.
In the dream I was with my bf and two other guys implied to be his friends in a grassy field. But it looked like an early 2000s sandbox computer rendered field with bright neon flat texture grass and huge bright blue flowers that shot out of the "grass" like trees. we looked like normal human being though, not 3D rendered. It kinda looked like the music video of Butterfly by Aqua.
In the dream, I was aware I was in a dream because I could feel my body unable to move. Like being aware of sleep paralysis within a dream. I couldn't move in the dream at all either (except my eyes and mouth) so I was slumped in my bf's arms. The two guys I have never knowingly seen before - one had dark hair and a stubble and the other was a brunette with slicked back hair. My bf was trying to introduce me to his friends but I just collapsed completely unable to stand into his arms. I slid all the way down to the floor. With great concern he knealt down and I pulled him in to whisper, "(name)?" and he replied "yes???" And, as if I was dying, I whispered, "you.... were....... always the...... cutest.... brother...."
Then I pretended to die dramatically. My bf laughed, then his friends laughed, and I burst out laughing too and was finally able to move and prop myself up. I woke up still having sleep paralysis though.
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Manifestations of data processed by my subconscious. I try to remember the ones I can.
I can't remember was happened before this point, but I was promising friends I would vc with them. For some reason I went fully clothed into the bath tub full of water and brought a really big laptop with me. I sat it on the edge and started arguing with my mom. I was splashing everywhere and trying not to touch the mold on the show curtain. The water was going everywhere and soaked the laptop but it kept working.
The next scene cut to me walking out of the house. There was snow on the ground but I was just wearing slippers, green shorts, and a white t-shirt. I was shaking and looked dazed in my eyes (perspective kept switching from 1st to 3rd and back). I got onto a train and started shining shoes for some cash. the men with the shoes had these strange empty eyes looking down as me or laughed at me. I felt somehow ashamed and got ready to leave the train, not even taking the money.
I got off the train and realized too late it was the wrong stop. The entire train station was overrun by a homeless camp. There was snow on the ground but people just set up camp on top of it. there were tents and shacks and sleeping bags everywhere. there were so many people, men and women and even children. All dirty and desperate looking, even if not homeless. I saw people shooting up drugs and one guy with some exposed bone and muscle on his arm/chest, and the muscle was moving to his heart beat under his skin. I was very scared and started panicking and pacing.
I saw a guy speaking to himself in Norwegian or Swedish or something; he was well groomed and had brown hair and stood out a lot from the dirty people. I went over to him to ask for help. but he ignored me to talk to another guy in Norwegian/Swedish.
At this point a group of people started following me. Russians or Romanians I think, not sure. There was one big muscly guy with black-brown hair and a scary face. There was another very tall slender guy with brown hair in black coat. And the woman was blonde and had a very sneering face in a short sleeve white blouse. Her face was eerily familiar. They were just following me, catching up while i kept asking for help. The woman said something quietly like โyes shes the one, go get her.โ Eventually I felt myself (in the dream) be picked up by the big guy and forced over his shoulder.
I started screaming bloody murder and crying loudly, โhelp please help meโ but nobody noticed. I was so scared and somehow knew id be human trafficked if i didnโt escape. At some point we passed a shelf of bottles of oil and sauces (???). I grabbed one and hit it over the guys head.
He didnโt even react and just crushed me in tighter. I could barely move or breath, it FELT like i was being crushed. Like i could FEEL it in the dream and i can feel the sensation in my mind now. It was the imagination of severe pain but it felt so real.
It was like I could really feel it, if youve ever had a dream you could feel things you know what i mean.
He was crushing tighter and tighter until i heard my bones snap and crack inside. I was crying but couldnโt make a sound anymore. and my vision started fading. everything was getting fuzzy and the noise of the crowd was fading away. I heard some lines of poetry spoken in a womanโs voice, very clear. something similar to:
โout like a little bird
fading into the sky
birdie bird cant sing her song
and for that truth, she diesโ
And I think I died in the dream. I lost my dream consciousness. It was all black and silent for a long time. And then i woke up.
๐๐ป๐ฎ๐ช๐ถ๐ผ
Manifestations of data processed by my subconscious. I try to remember the ones I can.
